So I've been trying to imagine what a perfect scenario would be, what exactly it is that I want. Obviously, tastes will evolve, preferences will change... I know that physical pain and some element of fear and danger are the two things that turn me on. I don't like this localized sense of pain that spanking involves, the necessity of compliance. Yes, you can kick and struggle but ultimately, being spanked is a submissive act and it's wholly consensual.
It's not that I'm looking to do anything non-consensual, though. I don't know what I want. I don't like the set-up of scenarios in general... how it's "real" but also a game. It's supposed to be serious but it's also a form of play. How safewords and caution are always involved. But I know this is all illogical thinking also. If there weren't constraints and rules and consent, then all of this would be actual torture. But still... I can't help but want something more.
I don't have any fear about living alone, although I hope that I won't be bored. There isn't much to do in that tiny little town, except maybe have sex and smoke meth.